Tonight I was home alone with the pups when two little adorable 18 year old mormon boys came to the door. One of my dogs, Emily, is kinda nuts. We sorta rescued her (if you call it that) and she is kind of a little off when it comes to men. She likes to attack them at random times.
When I opened the door to greet the cute little mormon boys Emily decided it would be a good time to attack. I grabbed her before she bit, but I did have to hold her on my hip after that. In the meantime, Ender had gotten out of the house, but was just trying to play with the boys. He loves people and is always up for some attention. I had to grab Ender too and hold him on the other side of my hip because he would get away otherwise. I could have actually put them inside and walked outside, but I really did not want to be cornered by these mormon boys. I dont know how to politely say that I think your religion is not anything I am interested in to see boys. In no way will I ever convert, but I don't know how to say no, so why not use the dogs as my excuse.
So there I was, with a dog in each arm, trying to think of a way to get rid of the mormon boys. The dogs did not stop calming down. It got worse. While I was holding them on my hips Ender and Emily were pulling down the back of my sweat pants with their claws in attempt to get away. If the mormon boys had seen what was happening to the back of my pants I think they might have gotten in big trouble with their whole mission thing. My pants were coming down fast and they were hard to keep up while listening to their stories about Jesus Christ and keeping the dogs from attacking the boys. I needed a way to get the boys to leave, because if anyone is going to see the back of me in undies, I REALLY do not want it to be 18 year old mormon boys on a mission.
I desperately needed these boys to take the cue that I was not availible for their mormon missionary duty. I'm sure they could see that I was struggling to keep my pants up (sounds bad!) and keep my dogs from scratching the shit out of my back and butt . The boys were VERY nice and somehow continued to tell me about how excited they were about how a prophet might currently be walking the earth, but I could not have anymore of it, unless they wanted to witness my panties.
Finally they got the hint that my dogs were not stopping and I was not going to leave them inside and go outside to chat with them about Jesus. They asked if I was availible anytime later this week and I told them that I would be home alone with the dogs all week (true, except for Friday). They said they would give me their pamphlet and write their names down. While writing down their names my pants starting to fall down even more. I was freaking out and did not know what to do. I could not move or make any effort to grab their pamphlet. The boys seemed to figure out more about the pants situation by this point and just tossed the pamphlet at me and shut the door for me.
Do you think I will go to my religion's hell just because I put myself in a situation where mormon boys (if they were looking at my pants intently) could see my dogs pulling down my pants and exposing my backside? This is one time I wish I could witness what they saw, because it was probably one of the most humiliating (in an extremely ironically funny way) times of my life.
Now it is time to laugh WITH me.
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