February 3, 2007

When does the debt end? Some of its from stupid stuff that didnt need to happen. Like buying clothes I dont "need" or eating places that are too expensive, etc.

It seems like a never ending black hole that I will never escape. Once I get rid of it, I will probably just start to have even more debt, what with a house and whatnot.

Does debt ever end in America? Definitely not in California, it seems.

I waste so much money on rent, that I could never afford to even save to buy a house here. But I am a true Californian, in the fact that I cannot ever imagine myself anywhere else in the world without regretting it.

Right now, I am not even depressed about the debt, I am just wondering if it will ever end? If not, why am I stressing out so much about it right now? I mean, if I am just going to end up with the amount of debt a house leaves you with, my measely student loans are nothing.

Do I have to wait until my 50s before my debt is even close to gone? Will it be worse then?

I guess, the only thought that is logical and rational at this point, regarding debt, is focusing on not depending on credit cards at least once every 2 months.

A raise would help. In a year or so I expect to make a LOT more. I hope the industry that I have chosen is not one that will dissapear like the whole techie thing in the 90s in sillicone valley.

Maybe I shouldnt let this debt cloud my thoughts everyday as much as it does, because really, I am not even close to where my debt will be in a few years when buying a house is something that might be able to happen.

I have never been taught how to manage money correctly, or even taught a nice regimen on spending money. We were always poor, so all I knew to do was eat cheap, dont use heat or ac, and not ask for help when necessary because I only have myself to depend on.

I wish I could take some course on how to manage my money, but at this point, I dont even have money to manage; just debt.

So, does anyone have any life advice to give me? Is debt something I just have to accept and deal with as long as I live in California? If so, I might be able to focus on dealing with it more, rather than ignoring it to the point where I eventually freak out when I find out rent is due and all these bills are due and I can't write Mike a check to pay for them until my next paycheck comes. At least his parents help him... but that's not the point.

Should I just start accepting it, dealing with it, and then moving forward? I guess whether or not I will be in debt for most of my life doesn't really change the fact that I should just start accepting it, dealing with it and moving on with it. I guess I will start working on that.

And that is what this blog is about. Sorting out my thoughts through wehatever kind of writing this is. I forgot the term, or phrase. Like free thought? Yeah...

I guess I have already began the first step of dealing with it, knowing that I need to.

By the way, Im sick and sound like a nasaly geek. Why do I have to waste a perfectly good weekend being sick? I guess it helps in the making money department, which in the end helps with what I am worrying about now, right? haha.