October 5 2006

Do you ever have those days where you feel like no one is REALLY listening to you. I had that day yesterday. I am not sure if it is because I pretty much suck at talking often, or because they just don't care what I have to say.

I have a problem with telling stories, and I go through phases when I am around people who don't make me feel confident, where I just stutter (not entirely literally) and stumble over everything I say. With certain people I can be me, where I am crazy, sometimes funny, and perhaps even entertaining. There are only a select few. Mike is one of them, my family is included, teddy, jeremy, carey, some of mike's friends, and sometimes Molly.

I am not sure what is about these people that make me come out as who I really am, but they do. And it isn't like they ALWAYS do this, because I often have off days, like yesterday. I hate off days. Don't mistake that with days off, because I love those.

I wonder why the other people make me act as if I have speech impediments and a lack of logic in my stories. Do they lower my confidence? Can I tell that they really dont give a crap what I am talking about. That is the way I felt about a lot of people yesterday. Not everyone, just really, a select few.

Today is better. I got to visit my new work, fill out paperwork, etc. I even took a drug test for the company. That was annoying. I have done those before for sports in high school and my job as a 1-hour photo lab technician. They always creep me out.

I have never, in my entire life, ever done an illegal drug. (Well, except when I had some alcohol before I was 21, making it technically illegal). But seriously, I never did anything and never will. Frankly, I am drug virgin. So if something would end up happening where my test results would show up as positive I would freak out. But I always have that paranoia when I take them. haha.

I am excited about the new job, mostly because the benefits and not working at my current job. I have officially checked out mentally, but have some stuff to do. I am going to do it in a few minutes.

We are having a lunch on Friday, about me leaving, but I doubt anyone aside from jeremy and possibly eva will show up. eh.

Alright, the downing the liquids for my drug test is kicking in, and the bathroom facilities are in need.